Limerence

My desire grows strong, my resistance weak.

It’s a home in your heart, I continue to seek.

My spirit aligned, perfectly with yours.

And everything around us to be seen in a new light.

A new light because together, our aura burns bright.

Our breaths rhythmic, and our steps in sync.

Because when I close my eyes, you’re all I see.

A friend, a companion, someone to scare the hell out of me.

With your wit and your charm, I’ll find serenity.

In your deep-seated optimism, I’ll find a hero.

And it is in your eyes that I’ll always find me. 

Earth?

I constantly feel mind-blown by the capabilities of the human mind. It’s so perplex, so confusing…and yet so intriguing! Sometimes, it really makes me think…it’s just so intricate that perhaps there really is a creator. 

I just wish there were something concrete to let me know what to think.

See

The inspiration fades 

And then, I’ll watch it glow

It comes in many phases 

I pray for today, I strike gold.

And as I look to our sky, this it gives me:

Faith 

Nothing 

Glory 

Something

What I needed is inside of us all

The faith, the nothing, the glory, and our fall. 

What we need is something we’re on the brink of 

It’s something right in front of us…the chain we’re all linked from.

The Road Ahead

Do you ever watch a makeup tutorial and feel painfully lame because you couldn't possibly duplicate what you've just witnessed? Or how about when you read a recipe for something and your attempt to change up the kind of cookies you make results in your family practically banishing you from a kitchen?

Surely I can't be the only one out there that fails like this! 

Actually, I'm slowly becoming the family chef, but I'll admit: makeup can be a real hit or miss for me. (Seriously, it either comes out dull or vibrant! Still looking for that perfect way to pull off something noticeable yet subtle...) 

Anyways, so it turns out that this blogging thing has been no walk in the park so far. Seriously, I haven't even been back that long and I have more drafts than actual posts! I think one of my biggest issues with writing is that one minute I can't come up with any interesting material when suddenly BOOM - I'm drowning in brilliant ideas! Some of them have absolutely nothing to do with each other, and I guess it's because I couldn't possibly string them together that I wind up never coming back to said drafts.

It's a vicious cycle really, but I think I'm getting better at combating it, so hooray for me one-upping myself!

It's amazing, we aren't even halfway into this year, and so much is already going on. Am I the only one who feels like this? I'd love to hear what other people have been up to that's different from last year's events, or where you're at mentally.

It's funny, I never thought that half-assed "New Year's resolution" I came up with would actually go as far as it has! I told myself that I would try to be more optimistic and less high strung about things, and somehow it's been going better for me than I ever could have imagined, and this is coming from someone who was suspended because I "needed time to cool off"! And honestly, this year has been turning into one of the more difficult ones, and unfortunately I've experienced some ugly things.
If anyone else is going through something, I'm with you. I'm not particularly religious or anything, but my thoughts are always with whoever needs a shoulder to cry on.

I think the most important thing I've gotten out of this year so far is that sometimes we really are our own biggest obstacle. Overcoming the negative part of me while also taking the part of me that wants to experience EVERYTHING in the world with a grain of salt has given me pretty grand results. And even though everything isn't perfect now, something tells me that where I want to be in life will get here that much quicker so long as I'm at least attempting to give myself a chance.

So that makeup tutorial that I'm trying to nail - one day I'll get there! ...I hope.

By the way, feel free to send me YouTube links to people that work well for you guys! I'll definitely take all the help I can get on this one ;)

3/26/2013

Ever since I graduated from high school, I've constantly felt like I'm going through a mid-life crisis.

Circle

Everything's changing. It scares me, just how uncertain the future can be. I've only been of age for a little over six months now, and I have to say that if this is what the rest of my life is supposed to be like, I'm honestly fucking terrified. 

That Wicked Web

Sometimes I feel like I'm in love.


My god-brother is supposed to be coming to visit today. We'll get high, talk video games & music, and probably nitpick at each other like we always have.
Well, the smoking together will be a first. But the nitpicking is what we're most common for.

We didn't always start out like that. When I was a small child, I had almost a god-like admiration for him that lasted up until I was around 7. I didn't understand the weight of his stoner ways, but he was sweet, soft-spoken, and he took my brothers and I trick-or-treating every year, which was never a bore.

Needless to say, he's fucking awesome.

And I'm frantic.

I don't know why the nitpicking started. Perhaps I was developing a crush early-on, or maybe it was a result of his tendency to be a condescending semi-self-righteous know it all.

Did I mention how likable he makes all of those things? Oh hell, and how sometimes it makes my heart flutter in what feels like it should be the most unromantic way possible. And alas, that's probably what draws me closer to him. Even as a kid I found myself feeling like he made me regret being a female. The inner conflict of what I feel for him and the nonsense that we say to each other has always made even a simpler part of my life feel a little bit like hell.

It's one of those things that even our moms joke about now when they see us going at. And I weep to myself at my inconceivable web of fantasy..."How horrifying cliche, and yet a tiny bit gratifying."

Sometimes, I get so fixated on a random person in my life to the point where I trick myself into thinking they're what I need. I think it's mostly my infatuation with the idea of it. Also, I'm a writer of multiple muses, so it's only natural that I don't often feel any real attachment to just one person. Or at least, that's how all the greats have lived out their lives.
Besides that, I don't usually feel like anyone's good enough because I'm so withdrawn & I was once so insecure. It was pitiful.


But honestly...I adore the feeling. The high I get when I've tricked myself yet again. And that is what fuels my desire to truly fall for someone. Like all humans, my lascivious ways can consume me at more times than others. And I think that it may be fueled by loneliness.

But that's for another day ;)

So basically I'm nearing the point where I think that I'm in love with my god-brother but I'm factually speaking probably not. And my sometimes affections for him are fueled by a confusing child and now, that minuscule desire in the back of my mind about wanting to fuck him senseless has manifested into something strange, a little beyond my control, and somewhere despite the inner feelings of lowness and disgust...my own delight.