Toes

"An Open Window?

Hello there world of Blogger. Name's Karenn & j'ai seize ans. (no, I did not use google translate.)

This is my first time ever actually considering a blog honestly, so forgive me if I suck at it. But i'm trying.

My life is no ballad or tragedy, but it's no fucking fairy tale either. It is what it is. Sometimes I may try to jazz up my experiences a little bit with some random thoughts just for you, the reader's sheer amusement.

My mind moves like a racetrack, so I hope you can keep up.

I wonder if anyone's actually reading this. I've read fictional stories about teens whose blogs are actually read & even commented on. I wonder if that may happen to me, here in the nonfictional world! That'd be kind of rad in my opinion. But if it doesn't happen, I am content with that as well.

Besides, why would someone want to read about another when they already have enough on their plate, right?

That's not how I see things but there's people like that out there and I'm content with that as well.

Oh, I'm not going to feed off of whoever reads this' attention. I would just like to find a site where I can kind of vent away my hardships in secrecy. Honestly, there's a few things I like to shy away from with my friends (which I don't have a lot of).

But please do not fear, one of my biggest fears is that I appear as a whiny bitch who'd rather complain about her problems all day, rather than take some initiative to actually try and make a difference in this world. Because that's what I would like to do. I want to make a difference. I want change (but that's for another blog I suppose).

Anywho, I suppose if anyone has bore through this for this long, perhaps I have some spunk? Or maybe you're just bored this weekend as am I.

Well, I suppose that's all for now blogger. Hopefully I will return!
punketterocker at 5:14 PM"


HA HA. How awkward and impassive was I? It's hard to believe that that's what I was like during my senior year of high school. Try to be kind though, I was only 16. I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into with the world.

Shit, I still don't. But then again, does anyone?

My name isn't Karenn, that's just something I tell people to ward Internet creeps. (I mean c'mon, 'Karenn' with two n's? I wouldn't have believed me for a second.)

It's surreal to believe and measure my growth since high school. The places I've gone since then, the friends I no longer talk to, all the errors of my ways that I now recognize sort of held me back during high school. And part of college, too.

Can you just imagine, going through your awkward teen years as you're surrounded by nothing but adults that act like a giant episode of Hey Arnold meets Jersey Shore? Oh, the horrors! (Actually, it wasn't that bad. I always wind up imagining things being more painful than what they truly were, after I've finished experiencing it.) Looking back on every high school photo I took, I can't help but think each time "Was I really wearing that? Gosh, why did no one shoot me?!"

To be fair though, I still wind up asking myself that same question now when I think about the tragedy that I put on the previous day. I've just never been that great at clothes. But between my horrid love for oversized band tees and fluctuating weight a few years ago, surely I didn't expect myself to look like Kate Moss; right? Wrong because I'm a stereotypical woman & I always want to look my best, even at my absolute worse.

It's amazing, the games we can get our minds to play on us, and without even realizing it! Hell, as I type this I imagine myself saying all of this to a room of admiring middle-aged women with cocktails while I sound off like a replacement Seinfeld.

I guess I'm starting to get to the point where you wonder where the hell it is that I'm going with all of this (and if not, tell me what's wrong with you).

If you haven't completely gotten a feel for what kind of shenanigans I have the potential to introduce into your world from this monologue, then you're exactly the kind of audience that I was targeting! Congratulations! You've given me a sense of recognition and I would like to take you out for a bomb ass night on the town.

Truth is, I don't completely know what kind of phenomenon this will turn into for me personally, but I guess that's what would make it all the more alluring. Everything's so unpredictable, while it scares the hell out of me most days, every once in awhile I reach that cheesy philosophical epiphany that each day guarantees something unexpected and tragic for us, or the opposite around; and I figure that those unforeseen, untapped good experiences are all worth me waking up for.

And hell, I'm still waiting for some of those experiences to catch up to me! But until they do, I suppose all the adversities in between make this all a little more interesting. It wouldn't be my life without the soul-crushing day every once in awhile.

Besides, at least it all gives me something to write about ;)